Not the 8 30 News: Episode 9 – the John Craven Cottage Chinese spy balloon one

In a week that saw the Americans shoot down several more Chinese spy balloons over the United States, RAF fighter ace, Sir Keir “Biggles” Starmer, attempts to shoot down a number of bloated blimps flying in UK airspace.

Plus the former (In)Justice Secretary, Dominic Raab, is toast – literally!

And soon-to-be-gone Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon, seeks new movie roles alongside Jeremy Corbyn.

All this and more on the Internet’s slowest growing but most talked about satirical show.


First screened on the Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time most weeks.

Not the 8 30 News: Episode 8 – the Anne Diamond Geezer power cut one

With the appointment of Grant Shapps as Minister for Energy Security what could possibly go wrong? Turns out quite a bit…

On the Internet’s slowest growing satirical skit thingy this week, a bull called Boris who spends his time sketching his namesake from cow pats.

Plus when you call Elon Musk a Satanic Goatsucker why you probably won’t be seeing this on Twitter.

Chief Twit, Elon Musk.

Liz Truss and John Cleese vie for the worst comeback since Lazarus.

Liz Truss as Polly. “Don’t mention the short-lived premiership…”

What Buffy the Vampire said to shamed ex-Labour MP Jared O’Mara. And speaking of drug abuse, what licking little squares of paper does for stamp design. Off with his head!

The new King Charles stamp. First class!

First screened on The Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time most weeks.

Not the 8.30 News: Episode 7 – the Anna Ford Capri take back control one

A news medley this week…

Westminster Disunited sack their out of form defender Nadhim Zahawi for picking up too many penalties.

The Andrew formerly known as Prince on those Daily Telegraph claims it was “too small” to frolic with Virginia Giuffre.

British motor manufacturers launch four post Brexit models to boost UK car production.

And Michael Gove records a cover version of the Rod Stewart classic Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?

All this and more on the Internet’s slowest growing satirical show. First screened on the Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time most weeks.

Not the 8.30 News: Episode 6 – the Nadhim Zahawi Busted one

In a week of political uncertainty about the future of the former British chancellor and Tory party chairman, Nadhim Zahawi, we have exclusive news of a potential move into showbiz.

Our correspondent, Jeremy PacMan, reports live from Downing Street on this, the Internet’s slowest-growing satirical show.


First screened on the Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time most weeks.

Not the 8.30 News: Episode 5

On the Internet’s slowest-growing satirical show this week… New Zealand Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, shows British leaders the stylish way to resign.

Rishi Sunak and Nicola Sturgeon get caught in a sex change mix up.

Plus boxing promoter, Don King, signs two total lightweights for a fight he hopes will rival the Rumble in the Jungle and the Thrilla in Manila.

And exclusive pictures of Prince Harry’s new book Remaindered with right royal revelations even more mind numbing than Spare.

Your guest newsreader is Peter Scissorhands. First screened on the Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time most weeks.

Not the 8.30 News: Episode 4

On the Internet’s slowest-growing satirical show this week… Mick Lynch, fresh from his barnstorming performance as General Secretary of the National Union of Rail Workers, stars as James the Red Engine in “Thomas & Enemies: All Engines Stop” – a not so chuffing reboot of the children’s classic.

Plus British politicians stop working and the country starts working. Is it a case of tools downing tools?

And amid Rishi “Where’s Wally” Sunak’s plans to make maths lessons compulsory up to the age of 18, we’ve got exclusive access to an exam board’s test questions.

First screened on the Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time most weeks.

Not the 8.30 News: episode 3.

On the Internet’s slowest-growing satirical show this week… news of new line up for The Grand Tour without Jeremy Clarkson. British politicians do a Donald in an attempt to trump Trump at cards. And how the Bank of England got the wrong King Charles on its new £20 note. Oh and a short item about briefs. Or maybe a brief item about shorts. Whatever.

Not the 8.30 News: Episode 2 – the Crap for Carers one with Sir Robin Day Job

The second episode of Not the 8.30 News – the internet’s fastest growing and not-at-all derivative satirical current affairs show. With digs this week at the Health Secretary, Steve Barclay, the Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak, the Justice Secretary, Dominic Raab, and, for that penalty miss, Harry Kane.

The elephants in the room

It was billed as an evening of music and words. And because it was being held at the Chang Thai bar in Ludlow with its Buddhist kitsch decor, was called The Elephant in the Room.

What the organisers hadn’t reckoned on was a bunch of boozy builders on a pre Christmas night out rolling in just before the first poetry reading. Elephants in the room. Plural.

I don’t think the landlord was down as a performer. But he got the first line: “Don’t be a prick in my pub” he said whilst simultaneously pulling a pint.

The second line fell to the poet, Gareth Owen, reading his piece about a Western gunslinger with a Virgilian theme. He may have said Virginian theme. Sixties television, Shiloh Ranch and all that. But we couldn’t be sure as the shushes and the shut-that-doors ricocheted off the walls when some of the posse went out for a smoke and others came back in.

And then something magical happened. The words began to register. Maybe it was the meter. The narrative. Or all three. As one by one the lads fell silent and listened. By the end they were captivated. Shot through the heart with a silver bullet as it were.

Poetry can do that. Move everyone and anyone in unexpected ways.

They didn’t stay after that first reading. But I like to think the words stayed with them.

Thank you to my poetry coach Pele Cox for being there to witness the magic.


Not the 8.30 News: Episode 1 – the start of something awful one

The Big Live Breakfast Burrito is perhaps the weirdest show on the Internet. Hosted on LinkedIn and restreamed live to YouTube, Facebook and Twitter plus a heap of other platforms in theory in should be unwatchable. But somehow its compelling mix of what one viewer called “unstructured nonsense” works. Or at least I think it does. Although I would say that because I’m an occasional contributor! Here I am channelling my inner newsreader and making my first attempt at satire. Let me know what you think. Even if it’s rubbish. It’s the silence that kills you.