Words on a line

One way or another I’ve been writing for a living for more than 40 years – first as a cub newspaper reporter on the Reading Chronicle; then as a journalist and broadcaster for the BBC; and now as a budding poet taught for the past two very intense years by the poetry coach Pele Cox, a former poet in residence at the Tate and the Royal Academy.

But you can’t call yourself a proper poet until you’ve stood up and read your work in front of an audience. So I thought it was about time I did just that! And on Saturday August 5th in the intimate little space that is the Secret Garden behind Castle Bookshop in Ludlow you’ll be able to judge whether it was a sensible decision.

With readings from a small selection of my poems, anecdotes about the process of ‘becoming a poet’ and with the help of literary giants such as Dylan Thomas and Michael Donaghy, I’ll be exploring the literal landscape of the Shropshire countryside together with the emotional landscapes of memory and loss.

Tickets are available direct from the bookshop.

Not the 8 30 News: Episode 10 – the end of Season 1 the name’s Bond, Jennie Bond, one

In the week that BBC reporters are told to be more “sweaty and dirty” to earn the trust of viewers, Not the 8.30 News reports live from the gym.

A Roald Dahl-inspired revisionist history edition in which we give Putin the magic finger, tell Brexiters to get clucked and say goodbye to the greasepaint and wigs until series two.

First screened on the Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time when series two begins later this year…

Not the 8.30 News: Episode 5

On the Internet’s slowest-growing satirical show this week… New Zealand Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, shows British leaders the stylish way to resign.

Rishi Sunak and Nicola Sturgeon get caught in a sex change mix up.

Plus boxing promoter, Don King, signs two total lightweights for a fight he hopes will rival the Rumble in the Jungle and the Thrilla in Manila.

And exclusive pictures of Prince Harry’s new book Remaindered with right royal revelations even more mind numbing than Spare.

Your guest newsreader is Peter Scissorhands. First screened on the Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time most weeks.

Not the 8.30 News: episode 3.

On the Internet’s slowest-growing satirical show this week… news of new line up for The Grand Tour without Jeremy Clarkson. British politicians do a Donald in an attempt to trump Trump at cards. And how the Bank of England got the wrong King Charles on its new £20 note. Oh and a short item about briefs. Or maybe a brief item about shorts. Whatever.

Not the 8.30 News: Episode 2 – the Crap for Carers one with Sir Robin Day Job

The second episode of Not the 8.30 News – the internet’s fastest growing and not-at-all derivative satirical current affairs show. With digs this week at the Health Secretary, Steve Barclay, the Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak, the Justice Secretary, Dominic Raab, and, for that penalty miss, Harry Kane.

Not the 8.30 News: Episode 1 – the start of something awful one

The Big Live Breakfast Burrito is perhaps the weirdest show on the Internet. Hosted on LinkedIn and restreamed live to YouTube, Facebook and Twitter plus a heap of other platforms in theory in should be unwatchable. But somehow its compelling mix of what one viewer called “unstructured nonsense” works. Or at least I think it does. Although I would say that because I’m an occasional contributor! Here I am channelling my inner newsreader and making my first attempt at satire. Let me know what you think. Even if it’s rubbish. It’s the silence that kills you.

Cloud lines

We live on the lower slopes of Titterstone Clee Hill in South Shropshire. Our house straddles the ever-shifting boundary (sometimes less than a vegetable patch wide) between what is shrouded in mist or cloud and what is clear. Between the seen and the unseen. Between what is perfectly rendered by the eye and imperfectly remembered by the mind’s eye. This is the space that many of my poems spring from.

Kite

The Hill: you, me, and dad
wearing the green jumper 
that still smells of him. 

The kite: an orange lozenge 
of ripstop nylon
skin tight on a wooden cross.

Me: running fast
enough to take off
but bound by string
to earth.

Your laugh sticks in my throat.
I cough to clear it
but it’s in my head.
The kite lifts a little 

Then nosedives through its arc
and lands 
with that whipcrack you hear 
out of sync like
summer lighting. One spark and

This whole dark scene 
Silvers for a second
And is gone
Blacker than before
The thunder. 

Learning by rote

I hadn’t learned anything by rote – apart from my bank PIN number – since playing Friedrich Von Trapp in the Parkfields School production of The Sound of Music. And that was back in 1972. So when my poetry coach, Pele Cox, asked me to commit to memory Fern Hill by Dylan Thomas I wasn’t even sure I could do it. Running to 467 words over 54 lines and six verses, it was certainly longer than the script for my stage debut (and, as it turned out, finale). Plus, a 61-year-old mind was surely going to be less malleable than that of an 11-year-old used to reciting his times tables to teachers armed with knuckle-rapping rulers?

But it turns out I needn’t have worried. It took time – nearly two months in all (although I reckon I could have done it much quicker if I’d been able to commit to it full time like, say, an actor doing it for a living). And it took discipline – reading each line again and again and again… Probably more than 100 times in all.

That repetition was instrumental in cementing the words in my memory. But to give those words voice and to imbue them with something more than their narrow semantic meaning required me to occupy the poem and, therefore, by extension, the poet’s head. This, of course, sounds like pretentious twaddle! So let me explain…

I don’t mean that I read the poem in a Welsh accent (although I did) or that, like Thomas, I occasionally combined my task with alcohol (although I did). I mean that I strutted around my own garden from “under the apple bough” to the “lilting house” listening to the “tunes from the chimneys” and watching my farming neighbours in their “hay fields as high as the house.” Each time I walked by the brook that flows “all the sun long” at the bottom of the lane I declared (to any passerby who cared to listen) that “the Sabbath rang slowly in the pebbles of the holy streams.” Every swallow swoop was a reminder of the “loft by the shadow of my hand.”

Being inside the poem in this way helped me both to learn it and to feel it. If at any point a word or line was lost I could, in a very real sense at least initially, look for it. Not in Fern Hill in South Wales but in my half-real, half-imagined recreation of that landscape in South Shropshire. I am “blessed among stables” and realise this process might have been more difficult had I been living in South London.

So what have I learned from the exercise – apart from the obvious – and was it worthwhile?

That my brain isn’t as knackered as I feared it might be.

That poems – or certainly good ones – are like onions and can be peeled back layer by layer to reveal things you miss in a single, cursory reading. Forgive the crass metaphor but for me it’s not unlike the difference between a one-night-stand and a lasting relationship. The superficial may be gratifying – beautiful even. But intimacy – spending longer with a person, poem or poet – is revelatory and ultimately so much more rewarding.

One such reward revealed to me by spending days on end with Fern Hill is that eventually you can move beyond the words (like a couple of old lovers sitting in silence) and hear in that quietness the “breathing” – the rhythm, tone and cadence – of the poem. That musicality is one of Thomas’s many gifts.

But I guess the biggest lesson is that to achieve anything remotely close to the mastery of language demonstrated by Thomas I must spend as much time living and breathing my own poems. Anything less will make them superficial.

Being a newsreader is boring

Let me start with a confession: I wasn’t a very good newsreader. And I didn’t do it for very long. But I did it for long enough to learn that (a) sitting around all day reading somebody else’s words from an autocue isn’t a proper job and that (b) despite appearances, the news doesn’t change very much – it’s essentially the same old stories being told and retold over and over and over again. Ad nauseum.

So I jumped at the chance to write and perform my own skit on The Big Live Breakfast Burrito – quite possibly the weirdest LinkedIn Live show you’ll ever see.

Here I am playing the role of an end-of-the-pier fortune teller – a worryingly camp cross cross between Gypsy Rose Lee and Jack Sparrow. You can be the judge of whether I’m as lousy at script-writing and acting as news reading. But I don’t think you can deny I enjoyed myself!

Thank you to Mrs Uridge for her lipstick (clearly she didn’t apply it) and for the blouse and bling which I have, of course, returned.