Category: Not the 8.30 News

Tin hats at the ready. In this Armageddon-inspired episode our newsreader lands an
an exclusive interview with Prince Andrew who claims he can’t possibly have been with the businessman-come-spy, Yang Tengbo, because he was ordering a Chinese giveaway (sorry takeaway) at Sum Phat Lie’s in Wo-king at the time. He remembers it well because he’d eaten Epstein (sorry chowmein) with porn crackers. Or just 17 as it appears on the menu.

Plus a news of remake of Wallace and Vomit starring the erstwhile Masterchef presenter and Milwall fan Greg no one likes me, I don’t care Wallace who tells us he thought innuendo was a pessary for middle class women of a certain age.

Oh and an update on just how close we all are to oblivion.

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Not the 8.30 News is a segment of the Big Live Breakfast Burrito over on LinkedIn.

In the week that BBC reporters are told to be more “sweaty and dirty” to earn the trust of viewers, Not the 8.30 News reports live from the gym.

A Roald Dahl-inspired revisionist history edition in which we give Putin the magic finger, tell Brexiters to get clucked and say goodbye to the greasepaint and wigs until series two.

First screened on the Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time when series two begins later this year…

In a week that saw the Americans shoot down several more Chinese spy balloons over the United States, RAF fighter ace, Sir Keir “Biggles” Starmer, attempts to shoot down a number of bloated blimps flying in UK airspace.

Plus the former (In)Justice Secretary, Dominic Raab, is toast – literally!

And soon-to-be-gone Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon, seeks new movie roles alongside Jeremy Corbyn.

All this and more on the Internet’s slowest growing but most talked about satirical show.

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First screened on the Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time most weeks.

With the appointment of Grant Shapps as Minister for Energy Security what could possibly go wrong? Turns out quite a bit…

On the Internet’s slowest growing satirical skit thingy this week, a bull called Boris who spends his time sketching his namesake from cow pats.

Plus when you call Elon Musk a Satanic Goatsucker why you probably won’t be seeing this on Twitter.

Liz Truss and John Cleese vie for the worst comeback since Lazarus.

What Buffy the Vampire said to shamed ex-Labour MP Jared O’Mara. And speaking of drug abuse, what licking little squares of paper does for stamp design. Off with his head!

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First screened on The Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time most weeks.

A news medley this week…

Westminster Disunited sack their out of form defender Nadhim Zahawi for picking up too many penalties.

The Andrew formerly known as Prince on those Daily Telegraph claims it was “too small” to frolic with Virginia Giuffre.

British motor manufacturers launch four post Brexit models to boost UK car production.

And Michael Gove records a cover version of the Rod Stewart classic Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?

All this and more on the Internet’s slowest growing satirical show. First screened on the Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time most weeks.

• Not the 8.30 News: the Christmas party 2024 review of the year one
• Inquest jury highlights dementia care home failings in death of elderly woman attacked by another resident as she slept
• Swift
• Death is only the beginning
• From journalist to poet

In a week of political uncertainty about the future of the former British chancellor and Tory party chairman, Nadhim Zahawi, we have exclusive news of a potential move into showbiz.

Our correspondent, Jeremy PacMan, reports live from Downing Street on this, the Internet’s slowest-growing satirical show.

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First screened on the Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time most weeks.

On the Internet’s slowest-growing satirical show this week… Mick Lynch, fresh from his barnstorming performance as General Secretary of the National Union of Rail Workers, stars as James the Red Engine in “Thomas & Enemies: All Engines Stop” – a not so chuffing reboot of the children’s classic.

Plus British politicians stop working and the country starts working. Is it a case of tools downing tools?

And amid Rishi “Where’s Wally” Sunak’s plans to make maths lessons compulsory up to the age of 18, we’ve got exclusive access to an exam board’s test questions.

First screened on the Big Live Breakfast Burrito – the only way to start your business Thursdays over on LinkedIn Live from 0745 UK time most weeks.